My guest is Sam Horn.
Sam Horn agrees with Katherine Graham who said, “To do what you love and feel that it matters, how could anything be more fun?” The only thing that could be more fun is to do work you love that matters , with people you enjoy and respect, and get paid for it. That’s what Sam gets to do every day in her work helping individuals and organizations create one-of-a-kind brands, businesses, books, presentations and pitches. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books have been featured in NY Times, on NPR, and presented to Cisco, Intel, Fidelity, NASA, Nationwide and National Geographic. Sheri Salata, (Oprah’s Executive Producer) says Sam is, “One of the bright lights and most accessible wisdom sharers in our culture today.”
We talked about…
- GETTING ATTENTION
- 5:27 How she can predict if someone is getting a deal without hearing the pitch.
- 4:05 How to get a book publisher’s attention at the Maui writer’s conference in 60 seconds
- 8:18 The framework and the exact pitch she taught a social entrepreneur to win millions in funding in 60 seconds
- FINDING MEANINGFUL NEXT
- 28:14 For those in transition, she shared the 4A framework: avocation, ability, adversity, attitude to help you figuring out your meaningful next.
- 69:53 How to enroll high profile mentors and cultivate deep relationships with them
- LIVING IKIGAI
- 51:14 We talked about living a self-sacrificing life vs. living a life of ikigai (reason for waking up in the morning).
- 54:22 How a simple exercise helped her write her own philosophy at 18 (and ending any future indecisions about life’s tough choices)
Wisdom QuotesThere are things that we care about and our goal is to see why is this to someone's benefit? How is it going to be a win for them? And then just to communicate that clearly and concisely, not with a gimmick, but with communication that… Click To Tweet A meaningful life is the result of being crystal clear why we’re here. If we can't state why we are here, life is just happening to us Click To Tweet Paulo. Coelho said that one day, we're going to wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things we've always wanted to do. Click To Tweet The degree we give favors is to the degree we believe that they will act on them and put them in action in a way that serves other people, not just themselves. Click To Tweet Katherine Graham of the Washington post said to do what you love and feel that it matters. ^^How could anything be more fun? Well, the only thing that's more fun is to do what you love and feel that it matters and do it with people you… Click To Tweet Charles Bukowski said time races by like wild horses over the Hills. Click To Tweet More is not better, now is better. Click To Tweet EE Cumings: To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. Click To Tweet Starting with clarity about one thing that would give you that ikigai on top of all the responsibilities and then to do it now, not later. Click To Tweet Most of the people do not know what they want because most of the time they're so doggone busy. Click To Tweet Entrepreneurs hold the vision, not the circumstances. Click To Tweet Mary Oliver said to pay attention is, are endless and proper work. Click To Tweet At the moment of truth, there are regrets and results. Click To Tweet 126 Sam Horn: How to Create Intriguing Communication that Makes Win-win Collaborations Click To Tweet 126 Sam Horn: How to Create Intriguing Communication that Makes Win-win Collaborations Click To Tweet Pablo Picasso said that the purpose of life is to find our gifts and the meaning is to give them away. Click To Tweet Explanations are infobesity. They're often complex, confusing. And confused people don't say yes. Click To Tweet
Transcript By AI
Develop One-of-a-Kind Positioning to Scale Your Brand, Business, Book
[00:00:00] there are things that we care about and our goal is to see why is this to someone's benefit? How is it going to be a win for them? And then just to communicate that clearly and concisely, not with a gimmick, but with communication that actually sets up this connection in a way that they genuinely are intrigued.
Welcome to Nobel warrior. My name is CK, Len noble warriors. We're interviewing entrepreneurs about their journey when they took a leap of faith to find their second calling.
If you have any friends who grew up. With finding their second calling, maybe they need more emotional support. Maybe they're overwhelmed. Maybe they have imposter syndrome. Maybe they want tactical help with what to say or what to do. Maybe they want a roadmap to help discover that life. They didn't know. They dream of please share this episode with them there. Thank you for it.
My next guest is Sam horn.
Sheri Salata Oprah's executive [00:01:00] producer set SIM as one of the brightest lights and most assessable wisdom. Sure. You know, culture today I have three TEDx talks in nine books have been featured in your times on NPR and presented to Cisco, Intel, fidelity, NASA, nationwide, and national geographic.
She was known as the intrigue.
We talked about how she can predict if someone is getting a book deal without hearing the pitch, how to get a book publisher's attention in a conference under 60 seconds and the exact framework and exact pitch should taught a social entrepreneur to win millions of dollars in funding under 60 seconds,
for those who are in transition, she shared the four eight framework, avocation ability, adversity, and attention to help you figure out your meaningful next, and how to write a book under 20 days, your fingers won't be able to keep up.
We also talked about [00:02:00] living a self-sacrificing life versus living a life of eeky guy. The reason to wake up to, you know,
We talked about how a professor, when she was 18, taught her a simple exercise that helped her eliminate any future in decisions about life's toughest choices.
Please enjoy my conversation with intrigue expert Sam horn. My next guest is Sam horn. Oprah's executive producer said Sam is one of the brightest lights in most assessable wisdom shares, you know, a culture today. She's a three time Ted speaker at nighttime book author. She was known as the intrigue expert.
She helps entrepreneurs, authors and organizations to create one of a kind brands, businesses, books, and presentations, and pitches. If you want to follow up with Sam afterwards, go to intrigue agency.com for slash pop masterclass. Welcome to the show, Sam, thank you so [00:03:00] much for being here. You're welcome. CK, looking forward to jumping in.
Yeah, so I want to go into it right away. You're known as the intrigue expert and most people come to you for tactical advice to create intrigue about the pitch, the book or it's business and so forth. Personally, for me, the more I speak to you, the more I found you to be intriguing. Because you have multi dimensions outside of just your mastery around creating tree, you have presence, you have depth.
Could you say a little bit more about how you cultivated this multidimensionality that you had it?
I'm happy to, you know, I bet, you know, Simon Sinek who started with start with why and good for Simon, he's made a difference for millions of people. And I think if we start with why sometimes we end up being generic and I believe it starting with where, where did we become a person on a mission about this?
Where did we begin to care? So I'll share my, where story [00:04:00] of how this all got started. Sound like a plan. Yes. Okay. I think, you know, I helped start and run the Maui writers conference for 17 years. Kind of what can is to the film industry. Maui writer's conference was to the publishing industry. We did something that was unprecedented at the time.
You could jump the chain of command and pitch your screenplay, right to Ron Howard. You could pitch your novel to the head of St. Martins, press Simon and Schuster. However, that first day of those pitch meetings, a woman walked out with tears in her eyes. And I went over. I said, are you okay? And she said, I'm not okay.
I just saw my dream go down the drain. And I said, well, what happened? And she said, I put my 300 page manuscript on the desk and the agent took one, look at it and said, I don't have time to read that.
Tell me in 60 seconds what your book is about and why someone would want to read it. And she said, my mind went blank.
She said, I spent [00:05:00] three years on this project. There's no way I can get it across in 60 seconds. And I talked to Bob Lumis that night, he was senior VP of random houses clients, or my Angelou. And I said, Bob, what's going on? And he said, Sam, we've seen thousands of proposals. He said, we make up our mind in the first 60 seconds, whether something is commercially viable and CK, I stood in the back of the pitch rooms the next day.
And I could predict who was going to get a deal without hearing a word being said. And it was all based on one thing. Guess what it was. Eyebrows that's right. Yeah. You got it. See, I did my homework. So
we'll see the thing is that everyone, everyone listening, you can test your idea. You can test your pitch, you can test your presentation, your book, title, your product [00:06:00] name in less than 60 seconds.
Just tell it to someone and watch their eyebrows. Because if their eyebrows crunch up like this, it means they didn't get it and they didn't get it.
You won't get what you want because confused people don't say yes. Now if their eyebrows don't move, it means they're unmoved. Or they've had Botox now like you, the CK, if the eyebrows go up, that means they're intrigued. They're curious. They want to know more. And that means we just got what we cared about in their mental door.
So that's how I became the intrigue expert. We're going to replace infobesity with intrigue. So anytime we're communicating with someone and we want them to care about what we care about, we know how to get their eyebrows up. So it has a chance.
So say I have a loving challenge for you and let me push back just a bit, a little bit.
Okay. Cause there are a lot of different schools of thoughts, right? Simon's [00:07:00] next is they start with why? Like what's the fire within you have the other person be touched them of inspired by this. Why?
Okay. And then Oren Klaff he's all about like, what's it, what's in it for them. Like what is Lee with the big dollar sign?
Cause he's a, you know, pitch coach for years and so forth. What you were saying. Start with intrigue. I am aligned with you. It feels more congruent for me personally. But I just don't think that way.
So if you can maybe articulate and compare and contrast different approaches to essentially rise above in a noisy world.
Because the world is noisy, everyone's buying for your attention. And I like your approach a lot.
Can you compare and contrast your approach at other schools of thought you bet and C K. I think one of the reasons you and I connect is because I don't believe in formulas, like always do it this way. This is the best way.
This is the only [00:08:00] way, you know, my way or the highway. There's a lot of different ways to get people's attention in the first 60 seconds, as long as we do.
So we're going to share some of them in our time together. Here's just one, one way we can turn infobesity into intrigue in 60 seconds. So I think, you know, the story is that.
I was the pitch coach for springboard enterprises. They've helped women entrepreneurs get more than 10 billion in funding. This is Robin chase of Zipcar, Gail Goodman of constant contact. So Kathleen calender was one of my clients and she came to me and she said, Sam, I've got good news and I've got bad news.
I said, well, what's the good news. She said, I'm pitching before a room full of investors at the Paley center in New York. I said, that's fantastic news. I said, what's the bad news. She said, I only have 10 minutes and I'm going at two 30 in the afternoon. And I said, Kathleen, you don't have 10 minutes. They will have heard 16 presentations before [00:09:00] yours.
Their eyes are going to be glazed over. You have 60 seconds to prove your worth listening to, well, this is the 62nd opening. We came up with that not only got her millions in funding, she was business week's most promising social entrepreneur of that year. So ready. We're going to hit the ground running.
You can time me if you want CK. Did you know there are 1.8 billion vaccinations given every year. Did you know, up to a third of them are given with re used needles. Did you know we're spreading and perpetuating the very diseases we're trying to prevent? Imagine if there were a painless one use needle for a fraction of the current cost.
You don't have to imagine it. We're doing it. And she's often running are your eyebrows up. See, K K. Now you used the word contrast. Let's contrast that to how she used to open up her presentation or her pitch [00:10:00] and how most people answer when someone says, what do you do? We tell them, right? That's an explanation and explanations are infobesity.
They're often complex, confusing, confusing. They lose people at hello. So here's the three steps to what she did. And I hope unless someone's driving, they grab paper and pen right now. Think of a project coming up. It could be a meeting. It could be your, you want to partner, um, you know, for your startup, it could be, you're looking for funding.
It could be that whatever. Think of a situation. Step one. What are three, did you know questions you can ask about. The problem they're solving about the issue they're addressing about the need they're meeting, what are startling statistics, where people would be going? I didn't know. It was that bad. I didn't know it was that much.
I didn't know the trend was getting worse. And in case you're thinking, where do I find these startling [00:11:00] statistics? You GTS that stuff. You Google that stuff. I don't care what industry you're in right after C K and I talk, just put into search. What are startling statistics about what the pharma industry about your cause about your issue about your problem?
I'll pull come things even you don't know. And if you don't know them, chances are your decision-makers won't know them. Now you just earn their attention because they're smarter than they were 30 seconds ago. Ready for the second step. Let's do it. Okay. One word. Imagine, imagine this and this and this, because the word imagine pulls people out of their preoccupation.
Cause now they're picturing your point. They're seeing what you're saying. Now. Link the word. Imagine two, three benefits of whatever it is. You're proposing three [00:12:00] advantages, three features. So go back to Kathleen calendar. We put ourselves in the minds of our decision makers, what are they thinking about?
Well, they're probably thinking about those reuse needles. So we made it one use. They're probably thinking about those painful inoculations. So we made it painless and most decision-makers care about money. So we made it a fraction of the current cost CK in a world of infobesity. We distilled into one succinct sentence, uh, who wouldn't want that.
So everyone listening. The second step is, imagine this and this and this so that your decision makers are thinking sounds good. Ready for the third step? Yes, let's do it. Okay. You don't have to imagine it. We're doing it. Now. You come in with your evidence and your precedents to show this isn't pie in the sky.
This isn't speculative [00:13:00] you and your team are doing it, or here's an endorsement from someone they know and respect, or here's an article in a reputable magazine or newsletter interview in a podcast or a, you know, a thought leader who is endorsing this because everyone else is still telling people what they're going to tell them.
Meanwhile, you have turned a monologue into a dialogue. You pose this problem and your innovative solution. And given some proofer evidence that once again, this is a done deal and they can trust it all in 60 seconds. Um, I, uh, as you were speaking, a few things open up in my mind, I really think so. So there's a term called peacocking.
I don't know if you've heard this before. Basically. Yeah. People would just do some gimmick as a, you know, maybe like a bow tie thing or something as a way to capture people's attention. Right. But it's very gimmicky. Whereas this is very subtle. [00:14:00] You open loops in people's mind with questions and questions.
No one can resist. I don't care who you are. You ask a question, you're bringing out a macro, it goes to work. So you go, bam, bam, bam with questions. And you answer them with backup a bowl, uh, evidence. In an, in a very short amount of time, um, you know, you, you, you open loops and you also create more intrigues there.
That's what showed up in my mind doing your speaking. And I think there's very elegant. It's very, um, very subtle versus the peacocking approach of really shocking all statistics or some bold statement that they have to unwind to back it up. That's what I got. I'm so glad you said that because, uh, no, thank you to the gimmicks, right?
It is, uh, I think both of us genuinely want to have impact on people. There are things that we care about and our goal is to see why is this to someone's benefit? [00:15:00] How is it going to be a win for them? And then just to communicate that clearly and concisely, not with a gimmick, but with communication that actually sets up this connection in a way that they genuinely are intrigued.
They genuinely are envisioning doing this, buying this, using this and how it will benefit them. And so that's, it's just mindful communication that creates a win. So that were time well spent. We cut to the chase, we edit out the parts, people skip and, and we end up with a mutually rewarding, beneficial connection and conversation.
I want to drill in on the first point about the outlandish, your very surprising data. Yeah. If it's so outlandish, then it's not believable. People check out. But if it's so close to what they know already, people also check out there's a sweet spot somewhere. Like it's a little bit outside of the [00:16:00] believability.
It's still like stretching. Like I hope it's true. Right. That kind of tension. Right. So as someone who was originated, the idea, these stats are old news for me because I'm a quote unquote expert at the curse of the expert. Then how do I go about finding, you know, the nugget that's at that sweet spot of stretching, the imagination, switching a believability, but it's still not so far out there.
And people dismiss it right away. Uh, boy, you just keep these questions, come and see. Kay. So, uh, number one is that we site our store, our source, correct? It's like, because people make these claims and like you say, if it sounds too good to be true, then we doubt it. We question it, we just lost trust. So we always start.
Did you see the 2021 April issue of Harvard business review? Did you see that new England journal of medicine [00:17:00] said this? Did you see on the, on, so we cite our source and the second thing you see, you came up with a sweet spot of a statistic. It can't be old news cause that's an eye roller. That's like buh-bye, you're wasting my time.
And so how do you come up with them? Recency? Equals relevancy. So when we are looking for these statistics, these studies, these research, you know, something that just happened two months ago, adds relevancy and recency and urgency to our pitch. So do we say, did you see the study just two months ago? Do you see already the eyebrows are up because, oh, it's no, it's more relevant.
John Cotter out of Harvard said, do you know the number one prerequisite for change. A sense of urgency? So you just, just to key question, because if we're coming up with statistics, once again, that show it's getting worse than it's costing more than it [00:18:00] doesn't need to be killing this many people that people don't need to be suffering here.
And it's recent, you are packing in urgency and relevancy and immediacy in a way that people are more compelled to act. So how do you as an expert again, because you read tons of news and research and datas and reports, how do you pick up the juiciest thing? How do you filter it down to the thing that the status is going to be a right hook and see, I recommend three stats and we want scope because we just don't want money, money, money, because maybe our decision makers, maybe that's their top priority.
Maybe market shares their priority. Maybe number of people being effective, maybe competitive edge is what? So we deliberately have one statistic about money. Cost more, you know, uh, whatever we have one about the numbers of people being impacted. [00:19:00] We may maybe have one about the trend in the industry that, that contrary to what people leave.
It's not this it's this supported by this research. It could be a contrarion counter-intuitive you ask? What do people believe or know to be true now? How can I introduce something that flies in the face of that? Because it's another very quick way to get people's attention is when we let them know that what they've been told, what they've been taught, what they've been thinking, doing or using actually is, is out of date.
It's not working anymore and there's a new, better way. And now we've got another 62nd opening because once again, this is a buffet of ideas. It's not do that all the time. There's differences. Want to hear another one? Well, before you do that, put that with that idea and a pin first. So what I heard and I'm loving this, what I heard is speaking of my money, speaking [00:20:00] about making a difference in people's lives.
Speaking about, uh, industry trends, these are, um, things that decision makers all care about. And basically you can cast a much wider net when you have these things that most people, almost decision makers, entrepreneurs, leaders, they care about these things.
Yeah. Good good for you for coming up almost with the listicle of criteria. You're saying Sam. Okay. If I'm going to go to Google and put in what are startling statistics, what are other questions that I can ask that will bring up things that I'm not aware of that would have that immediacy? And what else should I search for?
One of the things we're looking for is where are you, first of your kind, where are you inventing something, introducing something that hasn't been done before, because first to market owns the market, right? You know, enterprise is a wonderful example of this is that, you know, years ago, when they wanted to enter the car rental agency, Avis and [00:21:00] Hertz had like 87% market share that's himself.
Two questions. What does everyone want that no one else offers, well, everyone wanted to be picked up and dropped off. So they were first to offer that. Now, another question you asked yourself, what is everyone else doing? Don't do that. Where was everyone else located at the airports? So don't locate, you know, you're, you're, you're trying to compete with them on their turf, literally and figuratively create your own turf.
So they were the first to locate in neighborhoods. They did two things that made them first of their kind and one of a kind, boom, guess who owns the car rental agency market these days? Hmm. Enterprise price. Yeah. That's right. So Steven, if someone is going into a crowded market, even if you're competing against Amazon, if you're competing against Starbucks, someone who dominates the market, if you want a competitive edge, ask yourself those two questions, what is [00:22:00] everyone else doing?
Don't do that. And then what does everyone want that no one else is offering and you're on your way to come up with something that will stand out from the crowd instead of get lost in the crowd. Yeah, I really appreciate that. I know that they breakers one of your clients. Right. And then what they did, I really liked because it's totally unique.
Cause everyone's focused on the nightclub scene, right? Entertainment for the evenings. No, one's paying attention to in the mornings. At least not that I'm aware of where they created a club type of high vibe, dance, energy, nutritious juice, good people who like me, I'm more of a daytime guy. I'm a nighttime guy.
I know you have a thing that I can go to, but it was a little weird in the beginning. Like what is this thing that they're trying to do? I don't understand it. It took me a little while to actually get it. So being different is good. I get that. [00:23:00] Anything else in terms of tactics, to helping people pull out their weirdness, their idiosyncrasies, the uniqueness, all of that.
Cause I want to know. I want to know how it can make noble warrior stand out even more. Okay. We're going to flip the script. And I was just in New York last week, uh, onset consultant from mind valley and with Radha Aughra wall, uh, filming her new series for mine valley. So here's the backstory. Let's go.
Where did this begin? Right, because this is where. Your origin story is organic and original people will not have heard it before. And when they know where you begin to care, that's when they begin to care and connect also. So, uh, Radha, Agarwal, and Mickey Agarwal who founded things, founded tissue and so forth.
Mickey's my daughter-in-law. They went out dancing at night in New York city. Well, the bouncers were a little frisky when they were frisking them and they walked in and the place was dark and crowded and, uh, [00:24:00] everyone was wasted and, uh, it was almost bordering on violent that that was very aggressive energy and Mickey and Rhonda talked about it on the way home.
And it's like, what if it didn't have to be that way? Hmm. What if there were different ways? So let's take the norms and let's do the opposite of the always, as you just said, CK, everyone dances at night, right? What's the opposite of that. The morning, the bouncers are really rude. Right? What if you had a welcoming committee instead of a bouncer, it's like, everyone's on some kind of substance.
What if your substance was green juice? So they flipped the script. They did the opposite of the always. And now, you know, they've, they've done events for the day before, uh, the white house they opened for amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Shell and Obama and Barack, we're getting down to the tunes of Daybreaker. In fact, It was the last public event on the grounds of the white house.
And this is kind of how they partied [00:25:00] out. And, um, so, and they have a wonderful deal with AA, RP, all because they saw a need in the marketplace that wasn't being filled. It was the opposite of the norm that a lot of people were unhappy about. No one was doing anything about it. And they, they held the vision, not the circumstances.
Of course, they were shut down last year because of COVID they pivot and they're now virtual and they're thriving. Oh, amazing. I'm so glad to hear that. Cause uh, you know, I wanna do a little dancing in the morning still, so I'm so glad they're virtual now. Yeah. Can we say one more thing because I know the heart of how you roll and what I hope we're doing for people is we're reverse engineering.
What works, we're out to sharing a story of someone who's a success. We go back to their where story about why they, you know, why they were motivated to do it. What happened, what they noticed that wasn't working, where they came up with this better [00:26:00] way, this solution invention, party service, whatever. So another thing why, why that is so successful is because it has its finger on the pulse of the Zeit Geist.
You know, you know, all the science and the studies Harvard says that the most important thing to our long lasting health is meaningful relationships. Meanwhile, though, one in four people say they have zero people. To confide in loneliness is an epidemic. Isolation, depression are all epidemic and Daybreaker is an answer to that with a community that gets people moving that gets people enjoy.
That gets people feeling like they belong to something they care about. So, so to everyone listening or watching, it's like, all right, what's going on in the world? What's the Zeit. Geist is their research. So it's not just your opinion that this is wrong. There are studies that showing a lot of people are suffering from this, you know, are their health [00:27:00] is being damaged.
Their, their longevity is being damaged. Do you have a solution to that? Well, that's going to help you make a case for it too. Hmm. This is actually a great segue into the next portion of the conversation, because part of what you do is you love helping people figure out a meaningful next. Right. And then what we have just describe how Daybreaker came up with their vision is by addressing what's missing, the market will do a reversal of what they didn't like.
Right. But in the discovering process of discovering a meaningful next, the vision is sometimes not so clear. It's very amorphous, like searching and trying to discover. And then you can also have, you know, people who are listening to this to have a lot of different options, they have a lot of different interests, polymath, right.
So they don't just think about the nightlife. They think about their kids and think about their relationships, thinking about their health. [00:28:00] So then how do you go about helping people discover the meaningful next. Well, it's, it's one of the great joys of my life. I get to work with people who just thrill me with what they're contributing to the world.
You know, Pablo Picasso said that the purpose of life is to find our gifts and the meaning is to give them away. So I think our next, whether we just had a successful exit, whether we're just getting out of college and we have a degree in something, and we're not quite sure what we want to do, this is just one of the systems I use something called the four A's and then I talk you through a couple of them, please I'm.
So at the edge of my seats. Okay. So here are the four A's and if people want to ink it, when they think it, which was the main takeaway from 17 years of Maui writers conference, just write down four columns on your notes. And the first day is avocation. What do you do when you're not working? Because see, maybe you can [00:29:00] turn that into a career where the light is on in your eyes.
Here's a quick example. I'm giving a workshop on a meaningful next, and a woman comes up to me. The, at the end, her name was Jan Holeman and she was the spokesperson for American express. At that point, if you went on their website, there was Jim Holman giving financial advice. She wanted to go out on her own.
However, you know, there's a lot of financial advisors out there. How could she possibly pop out in that very crowded pack? So I asked her one question. I said, what do you do when you're not working? And she said, I play golf. And I said, we're in business because you know, so turn your paper over. Now, put a vertical line down the center of your paper and CK.
You know how my mind works. I juxtapose everything because I think it is the quickest way to make a complex idea, crystal clear. And it's the quickest way to show the shift. So [00:30:00] I asked Jen, okay, put a vertical line down the center. Now you want to talk and speak and write and have your own business around financial management, wealth management, et cetera.
Now put golf on the left and put financial management on the right. Just start going into the lingo of golf. So let's see you, you know, you go to the club and then there's the course, and then there's the T and then there's the drive. And then do you see all of those are like little points in your book or little points in your, your, um, your, your presentation.
It's a, and then we are looking for a title for her work. And once again, we're looking for analogies, we're looking for something that's true with golf and something. That's true about money. So she is melding her personal and professional life. She's blending her work in recreation. So she has the best of both worlds.
She's leveraging her [00:31:00] expertise and her hobby in a way that's going to make this very joyous next. Right. It's also one of a kind, because everyone just talks about money. What if you talked about golf and you talked about your caddy in a way, is your financial advisor. And with your caddy, they need to know the course, right?
You need to be able to trust their advice. Uh, what's wrong with golf? A lot of people try and hit the cover off the ball. Well, a lot of people do that with investing too. And when it came to the title and we were going through the lingo of golf, we came to green. Boom, there's the title? Ready? Go ahead, go for the green, hopefully green.
So that's application. The next one is ability. Uh, the next one is adversity and the next one is attitude. And I have a whole series of questions where I talk people through their [00:32:00] experience, their expertise, their apifany, these so that they are, they are delving into their thought leadership. Now, how can we turn that into a business?
How can we turn that into a book? How can we turn that into a nonprofit or cause, so do you see, we don't abandon what we've done before. You know, you're bringing a lot to the table. You don't want to keep doing the same thing, but how can you adapt that in a way that gives you eeky guy? You know what eeky guy is.
Well, I do, but please go ahead. No, I want to hear your definition. CK, CK what's eeky guy, please. Okay. Now, uh, Japan, they have a philosophy called leaky guy, uh, essentially is an intersection of four circles. Um, your ability, your passion, your monetization, and what was the force, uh, what makes meaning in the world?
Now there's some debates about what does it actually mean? Does it need [00:33:00] to be one thing? It could be many things as well, anyways, longer conversation, but that's a short version of here. Well, see, you gave a better definition that I did CK and, and I really hope, I know one of the, one of the, one of the ways you roll in the reasons you role is to stop people in their tracks and help them live a Socrates' life.
You know, Socrates said an unexamined life is not worth living. And when it comes to eeky guy is we stop and we look around at our life and we ask ourselves is what I'm doing, working, not working, you know, is, am I making the most of my talents? Am I making the most of my time? And eeky guy, in addition to what you said can be defined as a reason to wake up in the morning.
So what's your reason to wake up in the morning, you know, what gives your life purpose and meaning and [00:34:00] momentum, where you really feel this compelling sense of contribution that makes every day worth living. And, um, you know, the four A's are just one way that can help us come up with that. I love it.
Yeah. What you just says is worthy of revisiting or religious, you know, steep into what you just said. It's very potent to me. I know plenty of people who is very successful in the dollars, but very miserable in the day to day. And they continue to want more of the dollars or the accolades, the social status, or the social media following.
You know, they may have, but to me that's a chase, right? It's very much like acting as a hungry ghost that, you know, you think having one chocolate is really good, then having a hundred thousand chocolate must be even the most blissful state. But that's just not the case. That's on point [00:35:00] dissatisfaction, you know, turns into negative anyways, without messing too much.
See? No, actually I hope people write down what you just said in, in six words. Well, it's not six words. Seven words more is not better now is better. More is not better now it's better, you know, you're w what you're talking about, you know, is the hedonic treadmill, right? And the hedonic treadmill is based on the belief.
That more is better. When I have more fans, I'll be happy when I become a New York times bestseller. I'll be happy when I, um, get the perfect spouse, I'll be happy and it sets us up for failure. So part of my work in the someday is not a day in the week. Book is how to be wealthy and what matters right here.
And right now want to know one way we can do that by the way. Of course let's get that tactical. [00:36:00] Okay. It's um, when my sons were growing up, I was a single mom and I was jumping on planes a lot and giving presentations. And when I was home, we always had a ritual is I would tell them a story or I would read them a story and we, I would give them BackRub and it's like not ordinary bankruptcy.
It's a bumper car, bump back roads, electricity back rubs and fingering Backroads.
So one time though, CK it's like, I, I was sitting right next to them and I was a million miles away in my mind. Cause I was thinking, have I packed my handouts? What time was the plane? Is there gas in the car? Are they picking me up or do I need? And for some reason, my mind came down through my eyes and I saw Tom and Andrew as if for the first or last time.
And an ordinary moment became extraordinary. And I was [00:37:00] flooded with appreciation for them. I was, I was filled suffused with this gratitude of the miracle of them and that I was their mother and, and I bet every single one of us on a daily basis is distracted preoccupied. We've got deadlines to meet, we've got projects to finish.
We got places to be. And as a result, sometimes we don't even see the people around us and to see is to appreciate and to see as if for the first or last time is to be here. And now, instead of here there and everywhere. And when we see someone or something as if for the first or last time we are immediately filled with gratitude and that is wealth.
And what matters right here right now. I love it. If you really think about how we live our day to day, [00:38:00] uh, let me make it personal. How I live my day to day when I'm not conscious. I think this moment will last forever. Wow. Right. And, but when I'm conscious, then I can really, as you said, you know, really treasurer really deepen this moment.
Hey, semi we're sharing this moment that there will never ever be recreated again. How do I truly be here and treasure it? Because the next moment she may choose to end the conversation. Right. So, but, but you know, but even though I'm being half joking about it, it's that's, if I can live my life truly that way, then I will ensure my presence, my listening, my, my appreciation, my gratitude towards you.
And then only the kindest. Most of my best words come out of my mouth rather than my lowest were coming out of my mouth. Right. Yeah. You know, CK and, and, [00:39:00] uh, you know, so we're going to jump to when, when my sons went off to Virginia tech, I had the talk with them and I tried to distill everything. I knew about life into two pieces of advice.
And one was something based on something Charles Bukowski said, Charles Bukowski said time races by like wild horses over the Hills. And, and you are right. That many of us are just racing through our life, rushing through life, a weeks, the days blend into each other. And we look back and it's like, wow.
What happened? I want it back. I want to do over. So it's decades.
If you're young, you don't understand this, but trust me in 20, 30 years, you're going to say the same thing. Oh my God, it will happen. Yes. And, and it's regret, we want it back, right? We want to do over because then we realize how precious it was or that we missed it or that we, [00:40:00] so, so I, I told the boys when you're in the middle of a special moment, imprinted imprint, imprint imprint, because queen Elizabeth said, good memories are our second chance at happiness.
And if we imprint in a moment like right now, CK, if you and I imprint how fortunate we are to do what we love with people, we enjoy and respect, and our minds are, are popping, you know? And it's, it's like maybe there's going to be someone out there in the middle of nowhere and they hear this and it's the right words at the right time and how grateful we are.
If we just imprinted, we experience it more intensely and then we can revisit it anytime we want. And re-experience it. So there's a saying that writers get to live life twice. [00:41:00] And I really get, I believe we get to live life thrice. If we do this, is that it makes us more alert and aware to those golden moments.
Then when they happen, we imprint them, which means we live them more intensely in the moment. And then we get to come back and revisit and relive them all over again. Life just keeps getting better and better and better if we imprint and imprint and imprint. So I'm going to drill it on that note real quick.
Is there any specific techniques or rituals that you use to imprint a deeper? Some people say, you know, use some kind of a moodra thing or journal thing, or, you know, in my case I used a, is that a custom, I'm happy to share with you another time, but it's as a way to go deeper. So are there things that you do as a way to imprint?
I'd love to answer that. And you said that you have a way of, may I hear your way first? Cause I'd love to hear what you do. Sure. So recently I [00:42:00] came across a really beautiful philosophy about taking notes because how we take notes is how we think there is a beautiful, uh, software called Rome research.
The combination of the two allow me and those who is really keen on self discovery to go infinitely deep, no other modality that I've experimented search for to do that. You know, see, I thank you for that because see I'm with you is that, you know, we've all heard a thousand times at this point to write in a gratitude journal and we almost dismiss it and I, our roles.
And we say, I know that, well, if my dad used to say, just because something is common sense, doesn't mean it's common practice. And the research is that kinesthetically writing something down, imprints it in a way that's more vivid and intense and is more likely to be remembered. So, you know, I have a, someday is [00:43:00] not a day in the week journal and, and Dale Carnegie said to live in day tight.
Compartments and I believe they type tight compartments. Yeah. It's like, if you're in a ship, a tight compartment is one that won't leak, you know, that that can be trusted. So his comment was to live in day tight compartments, meaning don't worry, don't regret yesterday. And don't worry about tomorrow, live in just today.
Right? I really believe in living in day, right. Compartments. And I believe if we even take three minutes at the beginning of the day to write something down, that is our intention for the day. It becomes the lead domino of our day. So I have four CS and this is my shortcut. For my lead domino of, of a daytime day right day.
And so C is for contribute. What am I going to contribute today? Where am I going to add value? [00:44:00] Hopefully make someone's life a little bit better, whether it's coaching or consulting or writing or whatever connect who is someone inside and outside of my circle, I'm going to connect with. So whether I, you know, do a FaceTime with my grandson hero Mickey and Andrew son, or whether I get in touch with someone I haven't talked with in five years, it's that at the end of the day, I know I want to connect with someone in my circle in someone outside.
The third is cavort. I love cohort because cohort and, and here is why I have a friend Nell Merlino who started take our daughters to work day. She lives in New York and she, she goes walking in central park every single day. And she said, Sam, it's spring. It is the most cool. Here are these flowering trees here and you know what?
Nine out of 10 people are on their cell phones or they're working out good for them during their run. But it's [00:45:00] gritted teeth set a set focus. So they're getting in our half hour because they're our workout, but they're not noticing anything. So have you heard of all walks a w E R walks? Oh boy. Check the research on this CK is that you've heard of Shinran Yoku correct.
Uh, forest bathing. You got it. Okay. So the Japanese are all up on Shinran Yoku is forest bathing. The science that says when we get in nature, that, that the trees and the woods and the green is feeding and fueling our spirit in tangible bottom line ways. And so when we, um, you're so when we're talking about cavort, is that when I go for a walk or a swim, I don't just like do my mile of laps.
I don't just do my half hour 45 or hour walk. Hopefully I turn it into an all walk and an OSS swim. [00:46:00] And how you do that is you notice and you pay attention. Mary Oliver said to pay attention is, are endless and proper work. So when I say convert I think you quoted him, didn't you at the beginning of our talk.
I don't think so, but they wish I had, he said to walk as if your feet are kissing the earth and I'm not making this up. So he came when I walked, sometimes it's on the street or sidewalk, but I, I deliberately move over to the grass and it's kissed the earth, kiss the earth, kissed the earth, kiss the earth to mindfully, become rooted and grounded and appreciative of being in nature instead of 10 more minutes.
And then I gotta be back. So that was [00:47:00] three CS. Just seeing if you were paying attention.
The fourth one is clean and I know that if I eat clean, if I eat lean green and protein, that I feel better that if I eat carbs, junk, junk, junk food, junk spirit, junk feelings. And so to me, clean is a minder of eat, lean, clean and protein. Mm. I love this. Thank you. I know you didn't call them spiritual practices, but to me, they are what that is because the old, ultimately all these, you know, avocation ability, adversity, attitude, uh, what was the first award?
Um, adversity and attitude. No, the contribution there you go. Contribution and then connect cohort and clean. You, and you also conquered as into the action that you actually take to me. These [00:48:00] are all ways that you're doing every day as a way to cultivate the wholeness of who you are. You know, thank you for, for noticing that and saying that Chuck Yeager was the first man to break the sound barrier and he's a real aviation pioneer.
And he was being interviewed about, you know, the rollercoaster of, of trying to break that record. And the reporter asked what he learned and he thought about it for a moment. He said at the moment of truth, there are either reasons or results. And I think at the moment of truth, there are regrets and results.
And, and if we distill into four things. And, and we start our morning, five minutes in the morning, here are my four things. Not only do we live in day tight compartments and day, right? Compartments. I think that when we look back at that day, no matter what else happens, things go wrong, but we couldn't control it, or [00:49:00] we couldn't help it.
If we do those four things to the degree possible, we're creating the quality of life that we want. Yeah. I mean, on this podcast, we talk a lot about atomic unit, right? What that means is if you want a great life, think about your year and reduce the down to a week, right? Reduce that down to a day. If you can, your day ultimately is the atomic unit of your life.
How do you go about design your day, such that you feel fully alive, fully spended, authentic self purpose, contribution, everything that you listed, right? Contribution, connect, reward, and clean. If we start there, then we have hope or the next day for the next day and the next week for the next month, when the, this for the, for this year, for the, for the upcoming decade, in a way that is aligned with our intent, you are a hundred percent, right?
Annie dealer said how we spend our days is of [00:50:00] course how we spend our life. So agreed. So I have a question for you because there is a school of thought, there's this whole movement around lifestyle design, right? Meaning whatever your idealized lifestyle is, design your ideal day and then go, go forth and do more of that.
Right. Everything we just said. However, for those who, uh, are still discovering, maybe they finished. One phase of the life, the moving to the next don't. Why have that ritual of the ideal day look like yet? Is there anything that you can advise them in terms of looking for that idealized lifestyle? The ideal day?
Hmm. You know, uh, based on what you're saying, um, I here's just one thought about it. It's that, uh, when I was [00:51:00] on my year by the water, I interviewed people about, uh, happiness. I said, are you happy? If so, why? And if not, why not? And I tried to keep track of the answers and what I discovered really kind of surprised me is that most of the people do not know what they want.
If you say, what do you want? What is your ideal life? They can't tell you. And a lot of times see case cause they're so doggone busy. I had, I had one guy he's in his thirties, he's married, working full-time has two kids, one has special needs. And when I asked him what his dream was, or as you would say his idealized, he looked at me and he said, I don't dream anymore.
He said, it's too painful. And reality of his life is he usually does not get, he does not sleep through the night because of his, his kids and one of their needs. He's up by 6:00 AM, no matter what, you know, he gets him off to school and then he's out of the house by seven 30 often doesn't get [00:52:00] back until six or seven 30.
His evenings are, are taken care of with chores and his family, et cetera. And it was like dream ideal, idealized life, get real. He said, you have no idea what my life is like. And I, I agreed. And so here's where I don't want to be a Pollyanna. I still believe though that if we perceive that we do not have the time or the energy or the bandwidth or the money or whatever, to set in motion, one thing we care about.
One thing that puts a light in our eyes that we are, we're living a life of self-sacrifice and that is a life of regrets. So one thought about that. Well, let me stop for a second because you may have thoughts about that. I mean, Thoreau said most people live lives of quiet desperation. I think that is this self-sacrificing life.
This, you know, my life is about whatever my responsibility is, then they [00:53:00] sacrifice themselves. And to me, what's it all for, if not for joy, because I've lived that life and all right, that's it, it was miserable, even though I accomplished a lot of things. It is just not worth it for me. So, and now I'm looking at how can I, first and foremost, come from a space of self sufficiency, then I give my best self to whoever that I interact and still enjoy my life.
Anyway, that's my. Response, you know, see you, you are unpacking, you know, I believe how we can get crystal clear about what's important to us and then take responsibility for setting it in motion. Now, not someday, and I'm not being unrealistic. I'm not talking about band dinning, your responsibilities, you know, uh, quitting your job, doing anything drastic.
I'm just talking about starting with clarity about one thing [00:54:00] that would give you that eeky guy on top of all the responsibilities and then to do it now, not later. So we want, do we have time to do two quick, uh, actually exercises that can help set that in motion? My time is your time. We can go as low as you want.
Of course you have time. Let's go. Okay. So first let me share the ware story that I will always be grateful to my college philosophy professor. Cause we walked into our first day of class and he said, we are going to talk about Plato and Aristotle and Socrates, but first you're going to come up with your philosophy.
And he said, I want you to think about why you're here and what you want to do with your life. And then I want you to distill it in a 100 word or less mission statement. Well, C K you know, come on. I was what 18 at the time, coming up with my mission statement was not my priority at the time. Thank you to that, [00:55:00] that philosophy professor, I spent a week thinking, okay, what really matters to me?
What is a good life? What do I hope to achieve and accomplish? And I came up with a mission statement and I crafted it until I wouldn't change a word. And writers know that when you wouldn't change a word it's right. And I haven't changed a word sense. Wow. A north star, all my life. You're ready for it. I want deaf of course.
Okay. I am here to make a positive difference for as many people as possible while maintaining a healthy, happy lifestyle with friends and family. So see the first step is if we can't state, why we're here. If we don't have a mission statement, we don't have a map. You know, life is just happening to us.
We're getting knocked around or it's not what we want or whatever, and [00:56:00] we don't have our clear north star. So actually hopefully if maybe people already have one and now here's the thing. We either keep it up here where it's accessible in a moment's notice. So it's a mental and an emotional and heartfelt, no star, or we post it where it's in sight in mind and top of mind, because it helps us make decisions that are congruent and in alignment with why we're here.
Right. Hmm. I love that. Do you have your mission statement? I don't have it off the top of my head. Okay. And you've crafted it. Is it written down somewhere? Yes. Good. Yeah. Is it posted somewhere it's assessable it's right next it's actually, you know what? I have my a 20, 21 CPR right next to me. Yes. Okay.
Okay. Now I'm going to give you an example of, of why it's [00:57:00] important to keep this well in front of us. Sound good. Of course. Uh, uh, I'm going to tip toe around this. Just suffice it to say that I was nominated to be on a board. I went through the whole process, et cetera, and they offered me the position. At which time we got into the weeds a little bit about what was going to be required on this board.
Now the four weekends a year absolutely could do that. However, it was a little bit gray because they, they said that that probably be on one or two committees and there a month. And there'd be a lot of engagement. Well, CK, this for me is red flag, red flag red flag, because my. I've been there. You've been there too, where I'm spending a lot of time in committee meetings where we're spinning our meals, wheels that there's, you know, there's open-ended emails before and after.
What do you think about this there's politics? There's drama CK. That's not why I'm here. Is that why you're here? [00:58:00] Absolutely not. You know, other board candidates verbatim said they're because they're building this into a billion dollar company. They said we will do anything. It takes. Guess what? CK, that's not in my mission statement.
Is that in your mission statement? Nope. Yeah. So do you see how my clarity about that helped me turn down, which would have been very prestigious, lucrative kind of thing. However, I was real clear, not in alignment with the quality of life. You know, Henry David Thoreau said the cost of anything is the amount of life exchanged for it.
So see time spent on those committee meetings and on those drama and so forth would have been taken right away with time in that pool time with my sons and their families. Right. Not a good trade. Well, I want to actually first command you for having that crystal clarity 18. That's really impressive.
Precocious, [00:59:00] impressive, impossible. I was like, that's amazing because yeah. I mean, how did you get to that level of crystal clarity for you? Hmm. Well, once again, props to the philosophy for professor for, and I wish I remembered his name. I could probably go back and look it up and reach out to him and thank him for that.
So he was the catalyst for that. And you're asking such an interesting question. And I think it comes from three places. Number one, I grew up in a very small town, more horses than people. And, uh, even when I was eight years old, my sister was nine. We would be gone on our horses all day long. This is before cell phones and our parents.
They didn't worry and they didn't warn us. They didn't warn us about stranger danger. What if something went wrong and fill us with fear? They seemed to trust that if something went wrong, we would figure it out, right? It'll breaks, figure it out, get bucked off, figure it out. [01:00:00] So guess what? CK, my sister and I grew up seeing it as an adventurous world and not a dangerous world.
And instead of worrying that something might go wrong, we kind of expect that things will go wrong. And when they do we'll get resourceful and we'll figure them out. So I think that is that's one thing that went into that mission statement is, is the, and the second thing is, is that, um, we would go visit our grandmother for holidays and she lived in Los Angeles.
And if the weather was good, we'd go out inside and play with our cousins. If the weather was bad, we were banished to the back porch and there were stacks of reader's digest. And, and back then reader's digest had first person accounts of the person, you know, who fought off the bear. You know, they had, there were about individuals with character and integrity and service, and I think it [01:01:00] embedded in me clarity.
Then I wanted to focus on what mattered in the long run. And this is a while back. I remember reading an article and it had, um, like a drawing of a woman washing dishes at her kitchen window with a curtain and two kids out flying a kite. And she told the story about how she is, you know, doing the dishes and so forth.
And her sons come in and say, mom, come out and fly our kite with us. And she turned them down because she had chores to do. And one of them was killed in a car accident and that she just wants that day back CK. She wants to say yes. And at a, at an impressionable age, That instilled in me, this awareness that the [01:02:00] clock is ticking and how can we make decisions that we know in our soul are.
Right. And that acknowledge that as the Buddhist said, the thing is we think we have time and that, and that we will not regret because we did what mattered in the moment instead of thinking I've got chores. I can't. Yeah. And Sam, I'm looking at the time I can talk to you for hours Thursday. Oh man. Do we have some time for some rapid fire perhaps?
Absolutely. Uh, but I really would love to, around to, to get even more philosophical about what you're describing, because I think, um, The law of impermanence, that's the law. And if we can really get present to that, instead of thinking about, you know, the past or the future, that's, they're all illusionary right there.
They're not real. [01:03:00] So the more we can be present, you know, one of the most recent thing that I contemplate on is how can I go deeper in word and how can I be more fearless outward in the way to do that in my mind is to go infinitely deep in the way that I analyze my thoughts and whatever barriers that I have to dissolve is such that when I'm public, I can be fearless in the way that I speak.
So. Hmm, you know, uh, I, I am going to be your champion to write a book CK because, and you know, I'll admit I'm partial Paulo. Coelho said that one day, we're going to wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things we've always wanted to do. And I really believe that we need thoughtful people like you in the world who are going first and who are setting an [01:04:00] example of, of being present and mindful and being clear about what matters, because it's not the norm.
The norm is scrolling social media and looking at so-and-so and Hawaii and thinking, why are they in Hawaii? And I'm not in Hawaii. Yeah. Right. It's like, and our, our thought time, our mind time is, is essentially how we spend our days in our life. So, so you writing, you want to go deeper. And we talked about the kinesthetic impact of mulling and writing and expressing and getting in a flow state where what comes out of you is better than how, you know, at Maui writer's conference, our most left people all talk about this mystical aspect of writing.
Barbara Kingsolver said she couldn't wait to wake up and come downstairs to find what our characters had to say. [01:05:00] So part of you going deeper and part of you doing so as a messenger, not from ego as an offering, is it, if you set this in motion in writing. The, the alchemy and the amalgamation of your experiences and your insights are going to start flowing through you so fast, your fingers won't be able to keep up.
It will be an exultant experience. And furthermore, then you get to share it so that people are out there in their world. And they're just trying to pay the bills or they've got everything they thought they wanted and it's still not enough. And then they stumble upon your work and it, it opens their eyes and their hearts to a degree.
Thank you. I'll definitely take that on, you know, part of the ethos of Nobel warrior is to highlight the different lives and the stories and life choices that these multidimensional entrepreneurs such as yourself [01:06:00] made the kind of decisions that they make. So then they can maximize and optimize success, whatever that means for them and fulfillment, whatever that means for them.
Then such that give people a glimpse of possibility of light that, Hey, if Sam can do, if CK can do it, if so-and-so could do it. So can I, I'm going on to now going inwards and unleash my light and shine my light, such that other people, as you said, right? Discover their gifts and give it away. So see, look at the one plus one equals 11 alchemy of those words, noble warrior.
So what does noble mean to you? Our highest self.
All right. So our highest self noble, what does warrior mean to you? The willingness to lean into the discomfort to dissolve any kind of barriers so that I can be myself. See, and I imagine [01:07:00] you're familiar with the E Cummings quote that says to be yourself in a world that's trying all day, every day to turn you into someone else is the hardest fight you're ever going to fight and keep on fighting.
That's a wobble lawyer, right? Your highest self. And that it's not automatic and it's not easy. It takes persevering and clarity and, and, uh, encountering obstacles and holding the vision and not the circumstances. So Nobel lawyer really is your life's work. Isn't it?
It humbles me to say yes. Yeah. It's, it's one of those things that logically doesn't make any sense for me to do this, but spiritually, this is super fulfilling and I have already gotten some positive, um, callbacks from people whose lives we have saved because someone was talking about suicide or suicide thoughts.
They had [01:08:00] someone else was listening and said, thank you so much. I choose not to when my plan so already we've saved a life minimally. Hmm. So, you know, CC K, this is, I call this the creatives conundrum from the beginning of time, artists, you know, have had to quote unquote, pay the bills, so to speak, they want to do their art, but then they got commissioned by the king, you know, et cetera.
And you said something about logically, it may not make sense to do this, however, spiritually it does this, I believe is one of the biggest, uh, conundrums and then commitments of an artist or creative or a noble warrior is to be clear that what will matter in the long run, you will never regret doing this.
Will you C K no, not by it. I'm yeah. I'm so glad I did it. And so glad I'm doing it and I will continue to do it. And noble warrior has been. [01:09:00] A path that I never knew I wanted, but I love it so much because it is this, that it is as coalescing of your beliefs and, uh, your gifts and contribution and your work.
And, you know, that's the Katherine Graham of the Washington post said to do what you love and feel that it matters. How could anything be more fun? Well, the only thing that's more fun is to do what you love and feel that it matters and do it with people you enjoy and respect. That's what you're doing.
Yes. Uh, last question would be in terms of finding people, mentors, advisors, what's, what's your perception or what's your advice around finding others? Like you. Huh, well, number use the three A's approach. So quick story, uh, Jack Canfield and I were talking about this one time because, uh, Jack had given [01:10:00] a Sikh, uh, um, chicken soup for the soul success secrets, et cetera.
So success principles. So someone was right in the front row of Jack's program and came up to him afterwards. And he said, she said, I want to write a book. And I want to, and, and this was before Jack had a car service and he said, well, I need to be in the airport and hour and a half. If you want to give me a ride to the airport, you can pick my brain on the way.
So she did. And he never heard from her again. And like fueling few years later, he's given a program there. She is in the front row again. So it break. He, you know, she comes up to him and he says, well, how's that book coming along? She said, well, this is happening. This is happening. This is happening. This is happening.
Hmm. And Jack and I agreed that to the D that that to the degree we give favors is to the degree. We believe that they will act on them and put them in, in action in a way that serves other people, not just themselves. So your question was, how do we find a mentor? So you find someone [01:11:00] who you admire and respect you admire their talents and their achievements and the integrity with which they show up and their humility.
So it is both the professional aspect of their achievement, and it's also the personal side of their integrity. And then when you approach them, the first thing you say is, I know you're busy and may I have three minutes of your time? Because it is so presumptuous to just walk up to people and assume that they have the time and the incentive to, uh, support us.
So listen to us or endorse us or whatever. So I know you're busy and may I have three minutes of your time? Hmm. Then we ask a specific question. If you had one piece of advice about how to do this, or what I ought to do in this situation, what might that be? Then we keep the contract of the mentor, which is a, it's ask a act and a appreciate, [01:12:00] and then we get back in touch with that person.
And we say, I want to thank you again for taking the time to recommend this, or thank you so much for doing this. And as a result, this is what happened. That's quid pro quo, isn't it? Mm Hmm. Yeah. The biggest payoff for any kind of advice that people give is the success. Whatever who's taking your advice, because like you said, most people in 99% of the people.
Even people who pay you as your client, they don't necessarily take the device per se. So yes, the, one of the biggest satisfaction is that people actually change and transform their life based on the ideas you've given them and see this, this is, this is the once again, it's quid pro quo. It's mutually rewarding.
I really do believe we can walk up to almost anyone. And as we already committed, I will ask something, precise, something small, like [01:13:00] one piece of advice, five minutes of your time or something like that. And then we assure them that we will act on it. You know, maybe we won't do it verbatim. However, as a result of it, we take an action that we wouldn't have taken otherwise.
And then we get back in touch and let them know, you know, what happened as a result of it, you know, that's that is this lovely exchange that almost anyone will be glad to do because it's a win-win. Yeah, Sam, I could talk to you for hours. Literally love to just jam you. When I visit Austin or when you come to California, I love to hang in person. Uh, I just really want to take a couple of minutes. You really acknowledge you just the way you show up the way that you bring your wisdom and break it down into actionable tactics that people can actually do and say, and practice. I think for the discerning listener out here, uh, definitely try on some of these disciplines and tactics as a way to [01:14:00] re architect your life. Right? So then you can live a more present, live a more aware, live a more. Um, intentional life and then from the small to the day, to the week, to the month and so forth.
So thank you so much for just being willing to dance with me in this conversation. I've enjoyed every minute. I'm already looking forward to next time.